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I cannot express what I exactly feel right now. But all I want to do is to share this grief I have. And in the end, I would need any guidance from people out there who is a Mom or a Mom in a making.

A few weeks from now, a dear friend of mine will give birth to their first baby boy. I have now this sad feeling {let’s say envy} and asking myself on a daily basis why I and hubby don’t have our little Oweini yet. While eating dinner, I asked Sweety one question that made my day {everyday} a disaster. The question was “Are you sad that it’ll be 1 year of marriage and we still don’t have our little Hesham?” – he answered me by saying: “60% I’m asking myself why. Was it me or you that have the setback? But 40% of the answer I know that it’s the will of Allah why up to now we don’t our little Oweini.” —– 60/40? It’s like saying 60% was because of me.

Ewan ko ba. I feel guilty though because part of me is not ready to be a mom but another half is ready. Which is which, I don’t know!

Before getting married was not at all in my plans, I swear. I was happy being single – was involved with someone but never imagined that I will cross that line. So now, being a parent is totally beyond {for now} my responsibilities. Aside from being so stress with work, I’m also {still and I think forever} supporting my parents’ needs. I myself am totally not financially ready. A close friend of mine told me that it’s okay for me to continuously support my parents because in reality my husband will support the needs our baby and mine. Well, that’s true. I never thought of that actually. Haay buhay makulay!

You know, every month I keep on waiting for the girl thing but when it comes I feel bad about it. Coz I know we didn’t succeed again. But you know again, I feel happy. Hay naku ewan ko ba! Ako ata ang may topak eh.

I know in God’s time… Insha-Allah when I’m emotionally ready… Little Oweini will surprise me all of a sudden. For now, I’ll think of it in a positive way and just enjoy our lives together. Marami nga jan ilang years ng kasal wala parin anak diba? We’re both young naman diba? I think I’m just paranoid noh? Hehehe!

Anyway, thanks for staying with me thru this feeling. I appreciate your time reading, hehe! Libangin ko nalang muna sarili para di ko muna isipin ang topic na ‘to.

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Today is Monday – off from work. Finally! I and the fat boy just arrived home. Yup, I know it’s too late. I’m writing this as of 3:15am. Hubby has this routine that every Sunday we’ll go to our company’s lodging for him to have a little GUY thing with his buddies. They have this plan that they’ll go out to play “the” ever the famous COUNTER STRIKE.

While me on the other hand, have a movie marathon yet again with ate Ana. Kala nyo kayo lang? kami rin may GIRL thing! Iyakan blues nga lang… hahaha! 😆 Right ate Ana? While on the way, I ordered Kare-kare for take out. I waited inside the car while hubby picked it up for me. I noticed this pick-up beside us and saw this cute little baby smiling back at me. I was making faces and she’s smiling back too. Coincidently, before leaving our flat I brought Niknok with me for no reasons. Probably God wants me to share this treasured moment that’s why he let me bring my cam. Luck was on my side tonight, after taking a one shot of the baby, Niknok run out of battery. I have this priceless smile of a baby looking back at me. See her cute little eyes? Aaawwww! So innocent… So loving… So precious!

Talking about movies ate Ana and I so far had seen the following:

  • A LOVE STORY – I cried so much in this movie. Me on the side of Maricel as a mistress {FAVORITE LINE: “Ayoko ng maging papuno sa kulang…” while hugging fafa Aga}, while ate Ana is on the side of Angelica as the real wife {FAVORITE LINE: “Kahit kailan di ko nagawang lokohin ang asawa ko dahil mahal ko siya…” while talking to Maricel} Oh diba? Pang-famas!
  • HIDE & SEEK – where I wanted to kill myself coz it’s so corny!
  • INAY YAYA – where every single scene, I felt my heart breaking into pieces. My eyes was flowing with tears!
  • Lastly, PASUKOB – wasn’t able to finish the movie, but I had so much fun coz of laughing. Ai-ai and Ruffa’s {next to Ethel Booba} are two of my favorite comedians.

After seeing these movies, I felt so homesick! I sent a message to my parents just now to tell them how much I miss them. Looking forward for our holiday by 3rd quarter of this year, insha-Allah!

An old friend of mine gave birth to a cute baby boy last 6th of January. They named him Rubix Manguiat-Bayla. He’s so cute! His skin are still sensitive, everything is red – except the “putotoy” hehehe! 😆

I and Ceejhay went to Kathy’s house after her work. Hubby didn’t come with us though since he needs to take Angel to have her monthly car maintenance. So he just dropped us off to Kathy’s cozy villa and fetches us up after 3 hours. Those 3 hours seems like an hour to me. I never stopped taking pictures of baby Rubix. Kuya Mitch told me that I should take 2nd career in photography since I like taking pictures – oh how I wish!

When I start to hold him, I feel so afraid. Parang di na ako sanay mag-carry ng mga infants. At the age of 7 years old, super aunt na ako. My sisters married at a young age kaya super aga din ng pagiging tita ko. I know how to hold an infant naman, but I’m comfortable kasi he’s so small that konting kilos ko lang eh feeling ko mapuputol ko mga buto nya. Hahaha! OA na kung OA, pero that’s what I actually felt when I was holding him between my arms. Probably once I have my own, the feeling will definitely different.

Here are some pictures of baby Rubix and me.

See his little eyes? At 2 weeks, babies can’t see right? But I feel like he can see us already (feeling ko lang yun actually 😆 )

 Baby Rubix giving out a cute & ignorant smile. He’s a little bit sleepy during this time since his Mom dressed him up. My gosh! He hates being dressed up ha. He cried so much when Kathy was changing his diapers and his “bigkis”. If I probably in her shoes, dina ako makakagalaw sa sobrang worry – hehehe! I guess I’m not ready to be a mom, haaay!

  Kindat blues! Rubix looks like his dad.

  “I want one Sweetie…” pose. When hubby saw this shot, he laughed so much. But you know what, whenever I’m feeling that I want a baby of our own bigla akong umaatras especially pag labor na pinag-uusapan. Yikes! Kathy labored for only 2 hours. While they were waiting for the cab pala eh baby Rubix head is going out na. My goodness! Ayokong mangyari sa akin yun. I have the feeling that I will faint – haaay! When she arrived the ER, the doctor checked daw her cm, it was 6cm na daw. It should be 9cm (dear mommies, is this true?). So the doctor let her walk around for 2 hours, then baby Rubix came out na at a normal delivery / 6.9 pounds.

I’m leaving you with this touching picture with baby Rubix and Ninang Ceejhay. His hands are so small. Ang sarap kainin! Hahaha!

Take Care everyone and for all mommies out there, you’re all so lucky to have your little ones. Enjoy your mommy hood – next year nalang ako (duwagers mode ulit! 😆 )